How often do you use your own voice to ask for what you want? No beating around the bush. And no hoping that telepathy will be able to convey your desires. How often do you identify what you want, and then ask for it? Straight up.
Personally, I used to make it my mission to ask for as little as possible. I guess, somewhere along the way, I collected messages that my very way of being was just “too much.” My thick, curly hair was “too big”, my opinions were “too strong” and my ambition was far “too intense.” I learned to feel that speaking up about what I want meant that I was imposing on someone. These are long-held beliefs that I’m actively working to question and resolve through re-parenting my inner two-year-old. Oh, and just because you wholeheartedly believe something to be true doesn’t mean that it really is true. I have The Work by Byron Katie to thank for helping me to develop a process of self-inquiry.
So, instead I had become known to drop heavy hints. And make suggestions. And sugarcoat my words for the sake of politeness and diplomacy. But here’s the thing: there is nothing diplomatic about letting your wants and needs go unspoken. Not sharing my wants did not mean that they went away. Actually, pushing my desires down and tucking them away became a fertile breeding ground for irrational resentment, especially within my marriage. I found myself thinking things like “I can’t believe he couldn’t tell that I wanted him to do that for me.” And then I would end up feeling disappointed that I didn’t get what I wanted even though I hadn’t explicitly asked for it. So not fair.
But I’m not going to hold my tongue any longer, because there is so much power in asking for what you want. When you ask for what you want, you create the opportunity for someone to give. And you place yourself in the position to receive. This does not mean you will always get exactly what you want every time you ask for it. But you stand a far better chance of welcoming what you want into your life when you actually speak up and ask.
